The Sexual Nest
By Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones
It takes both strength and courage to leave the safety of our current sexual nest. However, unless we spread our wings and depart from what we believe to be our security, we will stay forever trapped. Nirvana, pleasure, excitement, and happiness will permanently be strangers to us. Often in my practice, I encounter clients who express sexual concerns within their lives. After exploring, we discover that they are facing a life change and are fearful of “letting go” and moving forward. They are traveling an endless path within a dark labyrinth.
Does the inability to “let go” of something or someone in our life that does not serve us any longer affect our sexuality? The answer is YES!
What you need to let go of could be a dreadful employment or a home you have outgrown, but most commonly it’s a relationship that needs to end. Many individuals are paralyzed with fear at the prospect of “letting go” of a partner and moving forward, even when they recognize that it is time. The fact is, like attracts like. As times passes, we grow and evolve; therefore, our essence changes. It is only natural that our energy with a partner could be altered by time. Individuals develop and transform at different paces. Some stay stagnant, some change bit by bit, and others grow rapidly, especially at certain stages—whether it’s early adulthood or midlife. There is no fault involved; it is the way of things . Your life’s path could be trying to lead you in a different direction.
The inability to “let go” and move forward can stem from fear. A few examples include:
· Fear of loss
· Fear of lack
· Fear of mistakes
· Fear of being unsafe
· Fear of the unknown
Not only can the fear of “letting go” cause a lifetime of regrets, it can unfortunately spill over into our sexuality. It often creates such concerns as low libido, erectile dysfunction, sexual performance worries, and/or difficulty reaching orgasm. Fear can also create an inability to trust or attract new lovers. You might be surprised at how quickly very attractive people can stop being appealing when they are ruled by fear.
Dr. Stephanie’s tips on “letting go” and moving forward:
1. Be willing to feel pain and loss. It’s only human to want to avoid these feelings, but you really can’t. You can only hide from them—which also requires hiding from joy, hope and desire. The willingness to grow through pain and loss will allow you to take back your full range of emotion and reclaim your power. Remember to lovingly reassure yourself that, worst-case scenario, all will be fine. You will heal from your loss!
2. Recognize that there is an abundance of resources and love on the planet and that lack only exists within the mind.
3. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself and understand that there are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. Have confidence that your decisions are always working for your maximum good.
4. TRUST that you will always be safe. Trust is a choice; and when you make it, no matter what happens, “letting go” will become easier. The more you trust, the more you’re able to “let go,” and the more you “let go,” the quicker you can move forward to a life that is beautiful and abundant.
5. Finally, bring yourself into the present moment. Fear of the unknown is a torturous state of mind. It has been created by pain in the past, when something unexpected hurt you, and by worry for the future. But whatever once hurt you, you survived. And whatever may hurt you in the future, you can also survive. But the most important point is that both past and future are beyond our control. Neither sorrow over what is past nor worry for what is to come is an emotion that can be satisfied. Only the emotions of today can be satisfied. When you begin your strategy for “letting go” and fear arises, STOP—sit still and bring yourself into the present moment where your strength lies.
Following these crucial steps can help you take control of your mind and your life. Once you have conquered your fear of “letting go” and moving forward, you will live a life of passion and authenticity. The more you have confidence in abundance, trust yourself, and gently turn aside from worry, the better you will get at all these skills. “Letting go” reinstates your powerful ability to leave your current sexual nest, spread your wings, and soar high with freedom from the strength and courage you have acquired.