I have encountered many male clients in my practice who suffer from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and even panic attacks over their penis size. Some admit having sought medication to control these negative feelings. Many echo ghastly tales of previous partners who teased and even ridiculed them over their penis size. Others confess exhaustion from seeking one therapist after the other, only to be told that size doesn’t matter–because, they state, “size does matter!”
Size does matter, if it matters to you!
However, why does it matter to you? Let’s explore this question. Start by asking yourself where your belief that penis size is of great importance began. When and by whom were you told that you needed to have a penis of a certain size in order to be a good lover, or to please a partner?
How did the process of giving all your power over to your penis get initiated?
It is a common theme that young men experience teasing by other males in regard to penis size, in contexts such as locker rooms and showers. As many adolescent males mature, they are introduced to porn, which intensifies their false belief. Although porn can be sexually stimulating, it is does not reflect sexual reality for males or females. Many males consider pornography to be “real sex,” and come to believe that their penis should look and perform like that of a porn star.
Dr. Stephanie’s Tips on Loving Your Penis
*Embrace a form of erotic expression where penis size does not matter, by becoming a master of oral sex! Unfortunately, oral sex is often called “foreplay,” as if it is not serious and somehow doesn’t count. This stems from an old belief that sex is solely for procreation; that there must be intercourse involved for it to be authentic. There are countless males and females, both gay and hetero, who strongly prefer the art of oral sex to penetration, because it can actually be a more intimate, and hotter, way for people to express their sexuality.
*Get sex out of your head and back into your body where it belongs! To the body sex is natural, perfect, and free of all judgments. Negative thoughts about your penis size come exclusively from your mind. This false belief system communicates messages such as: “your penis is too small,” “you’re not a good lover,” or “your body is to fat, skinny, short, or tall, so no one will find you attractive.” These negative messages create a block that separates you from your body’s natural needs.
*Once you have identified where the false belief appeared, you can make the decision to amend it. If you have been scorned by a past partner, it is imperative for you to realize that energy attracts similar energy! If size has mattered to you, then you have attracted partners whom it has also mattered. Conversely, if you are free of this fabricated sexual stereotype, then you will appeal to partners who are also free of the false belief. Change your undesirable beliefs about yourself and you will change your sex life!
The real truth is that your penis size has nothing to do with you being a man, or a magnificent lover. Being a man and a brilliant lover stems from the size of your heart, not your penis. It is in this exceptional place that you will discover the sexual tool that is large enough to satisfy numerous lovers—the gift of self-love and self-acceptance, the capacity to listen, touch, give, and receive pleasure.