The Sexual Zombie

The Sexual Zombie is a possession of the mind that can take us over at any time throughout our sexual lives. Once our sensuality is engulfed by this sinister force, our sex lives become a series of motions performed by a soulless corpse that is only partially alive. Under possession our love making is a near-mindless state, experiencing no emotion, personality, or sensation of pleasure; only dominated by a series of negative scripts running through our heads. This monstrous state pursues its prey and will persist until you are the sexual living dead.

In my practice as a sex-positive therapist and intimacy advisor I find that The Sexual Zombie syndrome is the cause for many sexual concerns. Issues that arise such as difficulty experiencing orgasm, vaginismus, lack of self-confidence, sexual anxiety, premature ejaculation, sexual inhibition, and erectile dysfunction. Once the sexual living dead takes over your mind, it replaces the beautiful balance between physical and mental with a series of obsessively repeating scripts that tend to focus on sexual performance instead of pleasure. You’re not a good enough lover; you look fat; you’re too old; too short; or too unattractive; these are examples of stories that trap us inside our head and completely disconnected from our bodies and our partners. While it is true that the mental aspects of sex, including erotic fantasies, are absolutely essential to the sexual experience, it is also true that in many cases our minds can generate fears and anxieties that keep us from reaching our full sexual potential.

The good news is you can escape The Sexual Zombie. Sexuality is your essence which is a balance between your head and your body. You can reach safety by getting out of your head and back into your body!

 Here’s how to re-connect to your body:

Appreciate and love your body for its unique qualities. When you are alone lie on your bed with your eyes closed. With your hands begin to slowly explore all parts of your body, and take a mental note of the areas that feel “attractive” in your hands. Surrender to your own experience of what your body is, and not of what it is “suppose” to be. Allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure that this brings.

Find one part on your body that you admire; your eyes, your smile, your breasts, your thighs, your belly button, something that you feel is outstanding, and celebrate it. Claim your body’s erotic power that society and others have tried to steal from you, and tell yourself over and over again how blessed you are to have such beautiful___. Begin to know that each of us is a unique expression of beauty on our planet, and believing fully in this awareness, is a lifelong journey.

Each day do something special for your body. Exercise, eat a healthy meal, bathe in a nice soap, paint your toenails, use a body oil, do one thing special that you would not normally take the time to do. Your body is worth it.

Do relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation.

Either alone, or with a partner, begin to explore different sensations on your skin. Use playful sex toys like blindfolds, feathers, and some light spanking. Perhaps begin to explore BDSM. Focus on being in the moment and what you are actually feeling on your skin. Proceed slowly, and allow yourself to discover new arousal spots on your body that you never knew existed.

Play with massage, sexual touching, and slow genital contact. With the each gentle touch on your skin internalize the experience of kindness, compassion, and tenderness that you are receiving in that very moment.

When you re-introduce yourself and return back to your beautiful body, you will be surprised at all the love and pleasure that the Sexual Zombie has denied you. Escape the civilization of Zombies where many dwell, and return to the land of the sexually alive!